Tuesday, November 21, 2006

An African Bank has Millions of Dollars for Me!!!

I've been getting an average of two emails per week for the past year about how there was a Mr. John, Mark, David Prater that was very wealthy oil/gas/diamond businessman that died recently and left a sizeable fortune unclaimed. Not only did he perish in a violent plane crash/car wreck/monkey attack/train derailment, but also his wife and children died as well. And now there's a poor banker in Nigeria/Kenya/The Ivory Coast that has this pile of money that is going to become the property of the bank if he cannot find a next of kin. So guess what? They need me to step forward and become the next of kin and the bank will vouch for me because he is the account manager afterall! And I get 40% of the fortune! Pretty sweet huh?

This email scam has been going on for a few years now and is fronted by con men that use it to get names, social security numbers, bank account info, and even cash transfers from people, with the promise of big money. Obviously, if you are a blogger, that's where they get your email address. Enough is enough! So last week, I decided to go on the offensive. The email I received had all of the usual promises because a Mr. Michael Prater had died with a large fortune, so I emailed him back. Here's what I wrote:

WHAT!?!?!?!? Michael is dead? I had no idea. I new he was over there but had no clue he died. I'll call his family so the appropriate next of kin can get into touch with you.


I got a reply back that said they knew he didn't have next of kin and that they wanted to work with me because I am a good Christian man that can be trusted! And the funny thing was, they called me "Mr. Girishchauhan"...funny name huh? So, I shot this one back to them in unintelligible grammar:

Dear Ank
why don't you beef up your cabbage patch with a funk sky of bark. They pine the leaf with a wool window. SO I'm sure that we can mumble about it mate! But please refer to me as Strawberry Shortcake for that for to is my real name.
Thanks,
Jo Girishchauhan
(S. Shortcake)

I must have hit their hot button because I got this reply:

Dear Shortcake
How can you say you don't have application form the form I sent to you which you filled it was the application. Please look below for the application send it to the bank with they email address and write me back so that I will know that you have send it. I cannot call you because you don't English and I don't Spanish if you want to speak to me you can call me on my number 00226-50-14-11-39.
Thanks,
Ank.


By this time, I'm cracking up! So, to keep this going I sent "Ank." this shout-out:

Ank,
Hath thou cans't thine application form that send my to bank. If you can to for to forgive me, I can to go and of the do it good for it all. That is what i think that i might could do if given a chance you can. You come to USA I build you a cake and introduce to Napoleon Dynamite. You him be much alike my brother to for to forgive me.
I love you,
Strawberry Shortcake
aka Jo Girishchauhan

I'm still waiting to hear from him...

While I wait, I am reminded by the fact that lots of people fall for this scam everyday and are bilked out of everything from money, to their own identity. We really are a gullible sort when it comes to the promise of riches on earth. But, why aren't we easily convinced of the riches that are stored up for us in heaven? Many people are told of the gospel of Jesus every day in America, and I would venture a guess that fewer accept Him than fall for the African banker scheme. Sad...

So, if you are at a point of decision for Christ today, please know that He is the only thing you can really count on in this life and for eternity. As you can see from this email scam, men will mislead you, but Christ will never leave nor forsake you. Choose Him now.


9 comments:

Donny Prater said...

UPDATE!!!! I heard back from him! Here is his email message:


How are you doing hop you are fine if so glory be to God, please my good brother i want to know if you have contacted the bank as i ask you to do for we do not have to wast time at this point.please i want you to give this transaction a full meaning as it is important to you and me so you have to know that this is not the time for us to be delaying.but if you have not contact the bank please try and do that and call me immediately i wait to hear from you urgently

Thanks
My regards to you and your family
Ank Musa

AND HERE IS MY REPLY:

Dear Ank,
Why do the nations rage? Have you ever thought about that? I know that I sure have and I often sit and ponder the teachings of Christ while sipping leomonade in the shade of my old oak tree. Do you have trees in Africa? We sure do here in the states. This one time, my friend and I built a treehouse. Man that was fun, until the garden gnomes came to life and attacked us... those guys may be small, but man do they pack a whallop. Speaking of whallop, have you been eating your fiber? If not, you may be finding yourself not being as regular as you really should be. Speaking of regular, my paperboy quit and now I have to go buy a paper at the gas station. Gas... taco bell last night and fazolis tonight. Man I miss Johnny Carson, he really was something. Or is it is something. Oh well, I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles, because all we are is dust in the wind, dude.
Peace out and Go Hammer,
S. Shortcake


This is too funny!! Stay tuned.

Trailady said...

If I had a dollar for every dishonest, scheming e-mail I've received in the last 5 years, I'd be mighty rich! Hard to believe there are that many dishonest people out there. I get about 7 offers a day from these crooks. I used to toy with them, now I've just learned to ignore them.

Your letter to them cracks me up! It's very funny to mess with their minds though, isn't it...

Anonymous said...

It's pretty funny what you're doing. I wish I got e-mails like that so I, too, can have fun "messing with their minds". Glad you're having so much fun with this, because it is really funny! Email me if you get another reply, if you don't mind :D I'd like to hear how this turns out if it has not already in the last 5 days since you wrote this.

namd3r.com

Donny Prater said...

UPDATE- Well, I guess they've had enough of my idiocy. I haven't heard back from them. But then again, I'm sure I'll get a few more of these emails next week. Get ready NAMD3R, I'm going to send them your way!

Anonymous said...

Danny- oh MY word, this is hilarious... I know it's not the entire point of your point, but here I sit alone at my computer cracking up outloud! Thanks for the morning giggle S. Shortcake!

Blessings,
Suz (Hook's lil sis)

Donny Prater said...

Here's the most recent one I've received:

PHILIPS CHIMAH & ASSOCIATES
CHIMAH CHAMBERS
BARRISTERS AND SOLICITORS-AT-LAW
20 ALLEN AVENUE CRESCENT
IKEJA -LAGOS
EMAIL:philcee00@myway.com

Dear Prater,

I am Barrister PHILIPS CHIMAH, a solicitor at law.I was the personal attorney to engineer EDWARD PRATER a native of your country,who used to work with Shell Development Company in Nigeria. Here in after shall be referred to as my client.
My client {PRATER)deposited as family belongings in a CONSIGNMENT (ie jewelries} with the value of $10,500,000.00 at BANK here in Nigeria for himself, with the hope of transferring it to his country as soon as he is on leave.
On the 21st of April 2002, my client, his wife and their three children were involved in a car accident along Lagos express road.All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to your embassy to locate any of my client's extended relatives this has also proved unsuccessful. After several unsuccessful attempts,I decided to contact you giving the fact that you have the same surname with my late client. I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the money and property left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposit were lodged.
Particularly,the BANK where the deceased had a EXPRESS ACCOUNT valued at about $10.5Million dollars has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account frozen within the next twenty one official working days.
Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the the relatives for over 3years now I seek your consent to present you as the Next Of Kin of the deceased since he has the same last name with you so that the proceeds of this account valued at $10.5Million dollars can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money 50% for me and 50% to you. I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to backup any claim we may make.
All I require is your honest co-operation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please do acknowledge your acceptance by forwarding the following to me:Your fullname, your private telephone and fax numbers .Get in touch with me on my private mail: philcee00@myway.com
Best Regards,
BARRISTER PHILIPS CHIMAH.



Here's my reply:

Dear Mister Chimah,

I would first like to say that I feel chills multiplying and I'm losing control when I think of all that money. It's ELECTRIFYING!! All that I can say is that you're the one that I want, doo, doo, doo, Honey, the one that I want, doo, doo, doo. The one I need, Oh yes indeed.

Please to for to let me know to for to what to do because I can only imagine, when that day comes and I find myself standing in the sun. You see, I have a large family and to fill you in, here's the story of a lovely lady, who was bringing up three very lovely girls. All of them had hair of gold just like there mother, and the youngest one was in curls. Then I came along with my three boys and we decided that this group must form a family so they became the Brady Bunch. That's who the money must go to, you know, Greg, Marcia, Jan, Peter, Bobby, and Cindy. And I want to throw in an extra million for Alice to get herself something really nice, like maybe a house so that she will stop sleeping in the closet behind the kitchen!

Do you think this can be arranged? Do you have the answers? Do you know Jesus as your savior? Do you think Elvis is still alive? Please to for to email and let me know what you think. I'm a man on a mission, got a snackin' attitude, I am the snackin' dude, dude. Patiently waiting to here from you my bratha'!!

Thank you,
Barry Shortcake

Andy said...

I've been holding back commenting, waiting to see what additional insanity ensued.

Glad to hear that you haven't disappointed, bro. This hilarity has been a beacon of light on this first day back at the office after the long weekend.

Take care, Barry Shortcake.

Roseuvsharon said...

ROFL

Yes, this is quite enjoyable.

Anonymous said...

I just received the exact same email from philips chamah with the exception that the last name was changed. The first name remained Edward. Did a google out of curiousity and was happily surprised to see your posting.