Monday, March 16, 2009
At least that's the way I've felt spiritually for the past year, and it's taken me until now to really see it.
In January 2008, I started to drift off, away from the comfortable shoreline that I was so accustomed to and into the rougher, colder waters. The worst part about it is the fact that the waves keep getting higher and the raft I'm riding (which was once a mighty vessel), is starting to come apart and take on water. I don't like it... And something has to give or I'll be eaten by the sharks that are circling.
In January of last year, I lost my spiritual leader when God called him to another Church. Then, a few months later, I lost another one when he too was called away. The first was my Pastor, the second was one of my best friends that was our Youth Pastor, but I considered him my rock. Sure, you may say that Preachers come and Preachers go, and that's just the way "Church" is. But I beg to differ.
When I lost my Pastor in January, I lost the first person that showed me there was more to this "Jesus Thing" than simply going to church. He showed me that it's a lifestyle, not just a Sunday/Wednesday tradition. And in his tenure, I came to understand what it means to love God, and let Him love you. But most of all, what I learned from him was the fact that there is a HUGE difference in being "Spiritual" and "Religious" and sadly, the majority of the people I know don't have this figured out yet.
But you might be saying to yourself something to the effect of, "A man cannot save you," or "Don't place people (even Pastors) on pedestals," but I have to say that
I miss the guy that taught me more about having a RELATIONSHIP with God and not simply a religious fear of the Almighty.
I miss the person that taught the Word and not a feel good gospel like so many are spewing today.
And, I miss my friend and that hurts, really bad.
When I look back on the past few years, I smile by the enormous amount of spiritual growth that took place in my life. I learned more, wrote more, and studied more than any other time in my life. If you don't believe me, just read some of my posts from 2006. Or better yet, I even wrote a book and became a published Christian Author! I was on top of the world and felt God's presence in my life as though I was being used in a mighty way by Him for Him. And we were close man, real close.
That was then...
As I think about my spiritual life today, I am sad. And it's a deep sadness that I've never felt before. Don't get me wrong, I love God and I'm not saying I'm "Lost" or anything like that. And I'm also not saying that I'm gonna' drop Christianity and go chasing after the world. No, not all. What I'm saying is that I HATE the fact that I've allowed myself to place distance between my Saviour and I.
It's uncomfortable... Heck, it's becoming unbearable and I don't like it one bit.
I want my spiritual life back...
I'm tired of all the Churchy Crap that I've been through...
I want my Pastor...
I want more of God.